| the madcap laughed at the man at the border. |
[Tue 17 Nov / 8:42pm] |
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haven't written anything in forever. everything's been okay for now, just one last countdown until january when Billy comes for good. listening to music at the moment, have off tomorrow. been on the atkins diet for 2 weeks now and have lost 13 pounds without doing much of anything but eating very strictly. feel tons better. quit smoking cigarettes october 2nd, slipped a few times while drinking but have stopped now. pink floyd. my job is a job, it's boring though which bores me beyond belief. i miss having an exciting job but those days will come again. been driving since may, working on getting my license. it's a year and a half today that me and Billy have been together. still in awe that I found my other half. i'm one of the lucky ones...
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[Mon 9 Nov / 8:29pm] |
You rescued me,
Saved my life just in time.
Saw past all my issues and scars,
And made me try.
'Cause oh, the way you're kissing me,
Makes it hard to breathe,
But I still like it.
Oh oh, it truly feels like a dream.
I called you up and we talked all night
Ranting and raving how it wasn't right
How geography makes love so hard
It's oh so cruel to be oh so far
And you've been back and gone again since then
I just wait around until i see you again
And who could ask for more?
...
So we've grown so close
though it's been so hard
Being so god damn far apart.
I hate that hospital in Texas.
I hate the rapper in the Lexus.
I hate the pills I ate for breakfast.
Hate everyone.
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| shrimp parmesean recipes |
[Mon 24 Aug / 10:53pm] |
| SHRIMP PARMESAN | | 2 1/2 lb. lg. shrimp, cleaned
4 oz. grated Mozzarella
1/2 tbsp. onion powder
8 oz. marinara sauce
1/2 to 1/4 lb. butter
1/2 tbsp. garlic
2 1/2 tbsp. Parmesan cheese, grated Preheat oven to 400 degrees. Place shrimp in a large baking dish. Melt butter and pour over shrimp. Spread Mozzarella evenly over shrimp. Sprinkle garlic and onion powder and grated Parmesan and cover with sauce. Cook for 15-20 minutes. Serves 5. |
| SHRIMP IN PARMESAN BUTTER | | 36 lg. shrimp, peeled and cleaned
1 c. butter
3 tbsp. capers
2 cloves garlic, crushed
2 tbsp. lemon juice
1 c. grated Parmesan cheese In large skillet, melt butter and saute shrimp, capers, garlic, and lemon juice until shrimp is done, 5-10 minutes. Add Parmesan and serve over spaghetti, linguine or other pasta. Serves 4. |
- 1/2 cup Italian seasoned dry bread crumbs
- 2 Tbsp. grated Parmesan cheese
- 1 tsp. garlic powder
- 1/4 tsp. salt
- 1 lb. uncooked large shrimp, peeled and deveined
- 2 eggs, slightly beaten
- 2 Tbsp. olive oil
- 1 jar Bertolli® Vodka Sauce made with Fresh Cream
- 4 ounces mozzarella cheese rolled with prosciutto, sliced
Preheat oven to 400°. In shallow dish, mix bread crumbs, Parmesan cheese, garlic powder and salt. Dip shrimp in eggs, then bread crumb mixture until evenly coated.
In 12-inch nonstick skillet, heat 1 tablespoon Olive Oil over medium-high heat and cook 1/2 of the shrimp, turning once, 6 minutes or until shrimp turn pink. With paper towel, wipe pan clean and repeat with remaining 1 tablespoon Olive Oil and shrimp.
In 13 x 9-inch baking dish, evenly spread 1-1/2 cups Sauce; top with shrimp. Pour remaining sauce over shrimp, then top with mozzarella. Bake 7 minutes or until cheese is melted and sauce is bubbling.
- 36 jumbo shrimp
- 6 tablespoons extra virgin olive oil
- 3 cloves garlic minced
- 1 teaspoon salt
- 1 teaspoon freshly ground black pepper
- 1-1/2 cups unseasoned breadcrumbs
- 3/4 cup grated parmesan cheese
- 6 tablespoons melted butter
- 3 medium lemons cut in wedges
Directions - Preheat oven to 475 then peel and devein shrimp leaving tails intact.
- Mix together olive oil, garlic, salt and pepper in a bowl.
- Add shrimp and toss lightly to coat then refrigerate 1 hour.
- In shallow bowl combine bread crumbs and parmesan cheese.
- Place each shrimp in bread crumb mixture and turn to lightly coat both sides.
- Arrange shrimp so that they aren't touching each other in an ungreased pan.
- Drizzle with melted butter then place pan on center rack of oven and bake 10 minutes.
- Serve immediately with lemon wedges.
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| who want's cake?! |
[Thu 9 Jul / 7:39pm] |
Wilford Brimley on tape: Hi. This is Wilford Brimley. Welcome to ‘Retardation: A Celebration.’ Now, hopefully with this book, I’m gonna dispel a few myths, a few rumors. First off, the retarded don’t rule the night. They don’t rule it – nobody does. And they don’t run in packs. And while they may not be as strong as apes, don’t lock eyes with ‘em, don’t do it. Puts ‘em on edge. They might go into berserker mode, come at you like a whirling dervish, all fists and elbows. You might be screaming, ‘No, no, no,’ – all they hear is, ‘Who wants cake?’ Let me tell you something: They all do. They all want cake. Well, that’s it for the celebration. I guess the most important thing to remember is, they’re just like you and me.
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| don't go around breakin' young girl's hearts |
[Thu 4 Jun / 9:17am] |
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There's been talk of Billy taking me to Philly for my birthday (since he's going to try really hard to be able to get up here for my birthday). I'm uber excited if it takes place. His release date is September 3rd...the countdown is going by quicker than I thought. Listening to Billie Jean and enjoying not being hungover from last night. Since my mother finally got a cablebox and we once again get all of the channels, all I have been watching is one of the 3: cooking shows, wedding shows, or shows about jail. Ehhhhhhh...the last 2 are scary, the latter obviously because of the nature and the second because I now have wedding fever and it's all I think about and I'm not even engaged. I'm going to try to stick to the cooking shows...
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[Fri 29 May / 7:51pm] |
(971): I have two black x marks on my hands.
(503): Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
(971): damnit I wish I could remember that.
(734): i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
(1-734): what was she crying about?
(734): i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
(801): My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
(520): I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
(607): I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
(978): Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
(573): Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
(619): do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
(805): Don't drive home.
(402): So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
(1-402): Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
(402): Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
(773): I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
(323): You got in a fight last night?
(818): Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
(323): Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
(202): On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
(703): It's the American dream
(708): Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
(206): I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
(425): There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
(602): Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
(765): that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
(530): You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
(323): this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
(765): call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
(513): what's Bukake?
(1-513): a bad idea.
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| i'll sleep when i'm dead. |
[Wed 27 May / 11:05am] |
Have had a lot of time to think lately..don't know if it's a good or bad thing. I need a new job to keep me occupied and help me pass time faster. I just filed for unemployment for now. I've been on a diet, eating relatively healthy, got a little stricter with it yesterday and am starting to add working out to my regimen today.
Had a horrible dreams last night. First I went to visit Billy in jail and was actually allowed to stay there...stayed cause I wanted to spend time with him, that wasn't the worst dream, I just don't like envisioning him in that place. We were laying in bed together and he was next to me, next thing I know, I went to hold him, and I was awake, in my room, with my hand outstretched on my empty bed, I cried and then fell back asleep.
Then I had a nightmare that I was going to jail and was on a bus the way there and some black girl started with me and I fought back and then she pulled out a knife and stabbed me in my hand. The bus was filled with big butchy women who were probably going to rape me when we got to the jail. I woke up realizing where she stabbed me in my dream, I actually have a scar.
What happened to my fun, crazy dreams?
The night before, I had a dream me and Billy had our own place (and a pet dolphin that was like 3 feet long, which turned out to be mini me in a dolphin suit). We were on our bed, about to watch some things on youtube on our laptop when all these skanky chicks showed up at the house and without one word, he left to go to some club with them to see some d j. I was pissed not only cause he was leaving me to hang out with skanky bitches, but we were supposed to spend time together and he just left me. Brianna showed up and suggested we follow them there, but he took our jeep, so I picked out this really futuristic shark looking like car that sat 2, and we followed them there. I woke up right after we got there.
Fuck my crazy mind, I don't even want to sleep anymore.
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| 2 weeks under our love-sized belt... |
[Thu 21 May / 8:54am] |
When all is said and done
And the air we breathe is not enough
To keep these broken wings floating
Carry on into the sun, into the sun
On into the sun
On into the sun
Looking down at you, sleeping
From above, I love
Looking down at you, weeping
From above, I love
Over and over again
I ride the wheel that turns
Over and over again
i find the soul that burns
And if it has no end
The lonely heart that learns
Over and over again
I ride the wheel that turns
When all is dead and gone
And the air we breathe is not enough
To keep these dying arms, see them
Carry on into the sun, into the sun
I’m not the only one
I’m not the only one
Heaven skies are reeling
And my hand that holds the world
Deep inside i'm reaching
Into the universe
Over and over again
I ride the wheel that turns
Over and over again
i find the soul that burns
And if it has no end
The lonely heart that learns
Over and over again
I ride the wheel that turns
Oh, oh, oh
Oh-oh
Oh, oh, oh, oh
Over and over again
I ride the wheel that turns
Over and over again
i find the soul that burns
And if it has no end
The lonely heart that learns
Over and over again
I ride the wheel that turns
Oh, oh, oh
Oh-oh
Oh, oh, oh, oh
Over and over again
I ride the wheel that turns
Over and over again
i find the soul that burns.
-Foo Fighters
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[Tue 28 Apr / 11:10am] |
:-)
"the only thing that makes sense is....this"
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[Fri 3 Apr / 6:54pm] |
Go through your wall posts and list the last twenty-one people to post on your wall. Do not list any repeats; simply go to the next name in the list. Then, answer the forty-two questions pertaining the twenty-one names. When you're finished, tag all twenty-one in the list, so the cycle can continue. If you've been tagged, copy and paste this information into a new note, and follow the directions above.
( you don't have to do this again)
1.
Brittany Fergo
2.
Brianna Horn
3.
Katie Quigley
4.
George Gonzales
5.
Jenee Martins
6.
Jenny Mathews
7.
Bonnie Winkler
8.
Brittany Gimbel
9.
Nichole Savino
10.
Sarah Ross
11.
Alyssa Bloom
12.
Jess Harlow
13.
Jessi Carreri
14.
Danielle DiFranco
15.
Billy Evans
16. Kay.
17. Kristy Bonsoghoisdnbs..idk how to spell it.
lol
18.
Kelsey Lutz
19.
Brittany Baumann
20.
Courtney Bunting
21.
Jessica Hernandez
1.
How did you meet 1?
health class, 11th grade. I looked around and decided she would be the one person in class I would talk to for the rest of the year. We spent the year getting high before health class cause we're classy like that.
She's fucking amazing
2.
What would you do if you never met 19?
Well..........I wouldn't have a best friend, I'd probably either be shooting up right now or in jail or a mental home cause she's kept me sane since 5th grade, ALSO she introduced me to Billy so without her, I'd truly have lost my top by now and pulled a harry carey or something. Honestly, I'd be dead.
3.
What would you do if you dated 15?
Just so happens that's my wonderful boyfriend.
<3
4.
Have you ever seen 8 cry?
Can't say I have.
5.
Would 3 and 13 make a good couple?
I don't think Katie likes girls lol
6. Describe 21.
Spontaneous, flirt, quiet unless you know her, then she won't shut up.
All in all, a good girl
7.
Do you like 6?
She's kickass
8.
Do you think 4 is attractive?
I'm sure he gets the ladies
9.
When was the last time you talked to 9?
When I was at Bri's...Friday night
10.
Would you ever kill 15?
Are you kidding me?! Not even if I wanted to with all my being, I couldn't with a face like that.
11.
Where does 18 live?
Down the block
12.
What is the best thing about 12?
She's fucking out of her mind, she's the tiniest loudest thing ever. she lives in harlem with all the obamas and kanye wests and pugs and ludas and billy look alikes. she wants to take a picture with billy and trick myspace into thinking its dave grohl. EVERYTHINGS GREAT.
oh and she's a shark, suck her dick.
13.
What would you like to tell 8 right now?
I'm home, come get the suit lmao
14.
What is the best thing about 10?
Although I never met her, she helped me out with advice in a pretty rough time and couldn't have been nicer.
15.
Have you ever kissed 11?
on the cheek
16.
What’s the best memory you have of 3?
We don't really have any memories..we've only hung out once and we were both practically dating the same douchebag.
So I guess it was realizing what a pos he was and ridding our lives from him?
17.
When is the next time you’re gonna see 16?
I've never met her lol.
18.
Is 5 pretty?
oh yesss
19.
What was your first impression of 17?
Her myspace was trippy
20.
Is 13 a good friend?
She's a great person. We aren't close anymore or anything, but she's a good friend to anyone she knows.
21.
Have you seen 21 in the last month?
Nope.
23.
Have you been to 2’s house?
I go there every paycheck and we party cause she's my biffle.
24.
When’s the next time you’ll see 1?
IDK. We are both working tons and I miss her.
25.
Are you really close to 7?
Yes I am. We try to get together whenever we can to catch up. I love that chick.
26.
Would you give 12 a hug?
I'd squeeze her til lil wayne fell out.
27. Who is someone not on this list you love, describe them.
Danielle Malagoli.
I've only known her for about half a year or so but she has definately become my closest friend here on the island. She's one of the funniest people I've ever met and I always have a great time at work with her. We hang out as often as possible. She's kinda like the sister I never had but always wanted and it's kick ass cause we got to skip all that fighting bullshit in between when we were teens.
28.
Do you know a secret about 20?
I don't believe so.
29. Describe the relationship between 20 and 9.
I think they are friends
30.
What’s your friendship like with 5?
I've known her since like 7th grade. We always end up in trouble together (SORRY) her mother hates me. but I love her and will always be there for her.
31.
Have you ever danced with 13?
No
32.
How do you know 6?
We went to high school together but we met online, she randomly imed me one day and was my friend on lj. we became really good friends and i dated her bf (at the times) best friend. we no longer talk to them cause their band sucks but we still chill.
33.
Does 16 have a bf/gf?
she's engaged
34.
Have you ever wanted to punch 4 in the face?
I don't think so.
35.
Has 11 met your mother?
SHE LOVES PATTI
36.
Have you traveled anywhere with 10?
Nah, never even met her.
Know her through Billy
37.
If you gave 7 $100, what would they spend it on?
Marijuana, cigarettes, alcohol, and a cute shirt or 2.
38.
What is your best memory of 2?
there are SO MANY. most recently, tenacious D at her house while laughing so hard I thought I was literally gunna split my sides. trying to draw billy a picture that was great but in my opinion is one of the shittiest things ive ever created. watching penis puppeteers together, making fun of people, usually in front of thier faces without them realizing it cause we're awesome. staying up til 8 in the morning being naughty. mystikal. brooklyn. getting tats.
just everything
39.
What is the one thing you most want 14 to know?
She makes me pee my pants a lil
40.
What was the last thing you did with 19?
Cried, jumped around junkyards, hung out with her cats and family, drove around in fl trying to get my mind off things at the time.
41.
When did you meet 17?
school
42.
What do you like least about 18?
that we hardly talk anymore but we've been best friends for ever :-(
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| fun survey. |
[Wed 18 Mar / 11:31am] |
Go to urban dictionary. com and type in your answer to each question in the search box, then write the FIRST definition it gives you...then tag 10 of your friends so they can do it, too.
Possibly not the cleanest site ever created, you have been forewarned!
FUNNY STUFF
1) Your name?
Caitlin
A girl often so amazing that no boy will ever deserve her. She is often red-headed and dancing in the halls, in addition to being beautiful inside and out.
2) Your age?
21
The magical age where it is legally ok to get incredibly drunk. At this time, a young adult spends most of his free time consuming vast amounts of alcohol in a variety of forms, saying that they're "making up for lost years."
3) One of your friends?
Brittany
The nicest sweetes person you will ever meet
She is always there for you.
4) What should you be doing?
Cleaning
The act of shoving everything in a closet and calling it decent.
5) Favorite Color:
Green
yes... it is most definitely referring to the marijuana... and also, upon occassion, any substance with similar uses. too, properly, of course, it is a golfing term, but that;s really not very much fun, now is it?
6) Hometown:
Islip
Islip is a cute, small south shore town in suffolk county LI. It is by far the best of all the Islips, and according to cnn.com it is the safest town in the country.
This town is hated by most of the kids who live there..but once they leave most realize how much they actually love their home town. Even though it is surrounded by the ghetto (CI) and the snotty rich kids from EI it is full of down to earth people-where almost everyone knows eachother-and is a great place to live!
Islip is steps away from the water, and we have main street..it may be small but it has everything you could possibly need-except for good ol' Movies On Main Street (RIP M.O.M.S.) Main Street attracts kids from surrounding towns..who are clearly jealous they don't live in plain Islip. We may insist that we hate it but who wouldn't want to go to a High School where security rides around on golf carts? no matter who your friends are everyone agrees that their favorite day is 4-20,we love our football team even tho it sux, most people wear flip flops year round, you can easily cut school to go to the beach, there are more geese than students and Sitting in class in the H.S. you can hear the peacocks nextdoor or see the dogs chasing the geese away.
So those of you who don't live here be jealous that you don't live in this awesome little beach town. And those of you who do live here- whether you went to Sherwood or Commack, if you're rich or not so rich be happy because you live in Islip-theres not many places like it out there!
7) Month of Your Birthday:
October
Tom the jackhammer Billuson brutally molested a sheep named "Octy" during the 31 days of this fall month. The story was so horrifying that villagers named these 31 days after the poor sheep, thus resulting in the name october
8) Last Person You Talked To On The Phone
Danielle
she's attractive and full of life. loves to laugh and have a good times. also loves to party and smoke weed until the break of dawn. shes a keeper. anyone would be lucky to get with her
9) Favorite Sport:
Baseball
What people think about to avoid premature ejaculation, when having sex.
10) Your last name:
Miller
1. To be short.
2. To suffer from Napoleon Complex.
3. To have no control over one's self when intoxicated.
11) Your Middle Name:
Anne
A tall young lady with hair that changes color on a regular basis. Whenever she sees something slightly amusing, she bursts into convulsions of laughter that involve her shaking like she's about to explode, stamping her feet on the floor and pointing to the thing that she finds so hilarious. You can find Ann in her natural habitat, where she will be in a booth usually surrounded by people. You can pick her out of the crowd with her signature catchphrase "fuck my life". But when you get too close you are in danger of her throwing things such as World History textbooks at you or using umbrellas to forcefully hit you in various uncomfortable places, although most times she will simply sprawl across you and decide that moving would simply take too much work. The Anne, though, is a very kind and loving creature, with an impeccable sense of finding fun and adventure, and most who meet her love her to death, and I am no exception.
12) Favorite Food:
Eggroll
An eggroll is when you are talking to someone, and the second you say goodbye and they turn around, you get a huge eyeful of NECK FAT!!!! Shaped in eggroll form. Usually found in fat black men.
13) Type of Car:
No car, dick.
14) Favorite Drink
Long Island Iced Tea
What to buy a girl if you want to get in her pants.
16) Name of another friend:
Fergo
To fist a pig, and eat if for breakfast. And enjoy it.
17) Name of significant other:
Billy
a cute guy who is nice to his girlfriend and makes her laugh alot a billy is someone you either want to marry or have a long nice relationship. A billy is someone who might get his fealing hurts easily if you flirt with a nother girl he can be jelouse at times but in the end he still loves you but hes stupid you feal confident (brain wise) around him
18) Name of opposite sex:
Nick
a common misunderstood person, that doesnt give a second thought to just about anything and acts on impulse 98% of the time
19) Something special to you:
Love
An inexplainable yet incredibly strong feeling for someone...Most people use the word "love" to get into someone else's pants. Love is overused in today's world, people say they love someone because of the way they look or their body. That isn't love. Love is when you can't do anything without thinking about that person, you always want to be with them. It's not that you want to have sex with them, you just want to spend time with them and you just want to hold them and never let go. Love can be fooling, you can think you're in love and it can lead to the most horrible feeling in the world. Also you can wait so long for someone, loving them, and waiting for them to love you back, but they don't return it for a long time and you spend years thinking and thinking and it tears you up inside but when that person realizes that they love you back it's miraculous. Love is a very strong word, don't overuse it.
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| RESURRECT THE WOOLY MAMMOTH!!! |
[Tue 3 Mar / 9:05am] |
why does my stomach hate me so much? is it so much to ask that I wished I didn't have to throw up everyday?!
goddamn.
I guess that's my only complaint.
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| I tried to stop man, I tried the best I could.. |
[Thu 26 Feb / 8:04pm] |
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Life is beautiful lately. Short of anything easy, but still beautiful. I would'nt trade what I have for anything else in the world. A few short months and Billy will be here. I think I hear my mom crying while listening to Pearl Jam in the other room. Usually I'd have something else on to cover it up but Billy made me realize my love for them. I just smoked the last of my stash and am trying my hardest to save my money for something more important. I bought my bunny food and bedding, so that's always good. My room looks like it hasn't been clean since Jesus died and I have to fix that. I put on music and now my mom's trying to communicate with me. Not over Nirvana, buddy-o-pal. I'm currently tying up cable cords with my mother so we stop tripping over when we go from room to room. Monday I have an appointment with the planned parenthood people to go on BC. I hope they don't have to look at my goods. I'm going to look at fmylife.com.
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[Thu 15 Jan / 10:35am] |
I'll always love him
:-)
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| swedish fish and a bag of crack. |
[Tue 6 Jan / 9:37am] |
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I had a dream that I was getting married. I didn't have a wedding dress, but I had a ring and a hall and a list of guests and it really felt real. I was crying cause I was so happy. I didn't get to finish the dream cause my internal alarm clock woke me up, but it started getting weird anyway. This is my month! I'm getting my room ready for Billy, emptying out a dresser for him and such. Maybe even taking down most of my Dave Grohl pics...but Idk for sure yet.
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| Will Ferrel Movies Aren't Supposed To Make You Cry |
[Tue 9 Dec / 11:05am] |
I've become so in touch with my emotions that even funny movies with a sad low-light in it brings me to my knees. I've never been happier to be brought to cry though, because I know it's for the right reasons. It's because I can look at how lucky I am and how loved I am. I'm no longer shedding tears because I'm alone or miss my past or am wondering why I'm so miserable. The past eight months of my life have taught me more than I ever thought I was capable of learning. I've changed, for the better. I've corrected my wrongs. I've stayed true to myself. I've kicked bad habits. I learned how to cherish my family. I've surrounded myself with the best of friends. I've built myself a future and most importantly, I've fallen in love.
It's funny how love, can be the root of all your problems or the cure for your pain. A year ago, I would have not believed a single soul if anyone had told me that my life was going to make a complete 180. I never thought I'd be able to maintain a happy, positive composure without drugs as an escape. I did not think I'd ever find someone who would treat me like gold. I always accepted the love I believed I deserved, in the past, which turned out to be close to none. Now, I feel as if I have enough to spread throughout the world. My whole outlook on life has changed. I can see myself having a family in 10 years. I know who I will be waking up next to for the rest of my life. I can rely on friends who I will have the rest of my life.
I've been through hell and back and I'd like to announce, I'm making my stay here permanent.
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| <3 |
[Mon 8 Dec / 12:00pm] |
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Billy should be here for good before too long. He got a job and works every night for like 12 hours and is saving up to leave that hell hole. I can't wait to hold my baby in my arms again. <33
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| THANK FUCKING GOD... |
[Thu 20 Nov / 6:47pm] |
If your right hand is causing you pain
Cut it off cut it off
If your colours have started to run
Let them all run, run away from you
There is lightning in this room
Above our heads waiting to strike
Im a thinker not a talker
Put your faith, your faith in God
We were hoping for some romance
All we found was more dispair
We must talk about our problems
We are in a state of Flux
Id kill for an adventure
Just you and I in the Curzon Bar
Dancing till we knew
So all that we've learnt disappeared
When you shouted at me
I saw my father in the second grade
Concerned and kind
But yet unable to reach me
We were hoping for some romance
All we found was more dispair
We must talk about our problems
We are in a State of Flux
State of Flux [x9]
We need to talk [x5]
We were hoping for some romance
All we found was more dispair
We must talk about our problems
We are in a state of Flux
-That song has nothing to do with anything, I just love it and the lyrics.
Today has been a day full of nothing but relief, hope for the future, and now....pizza.
Hell fuck yeah.
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| cheesy eggs |
[Wed 12 Nov / 10:31am] |
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Billy was here last week, for an entire week and that was simply amazing. We got to spend so much time together, just bonding more and making each other laugh and getting to memorize each others bodies. I can't imagine my life without him now, and he says I'll never have to. All of my friends that have met him have approved him over and over again and all say the same thing when I ask what they think of him: "You guys are made for each other. I've never met someone so alike you and so suited for you." Now he's back in the sunny state of FL and looking for a job so he can start saving for his move to Philly. My promotion goes into effect in 2 weeks from this past Sunday and then I'll be making even more money and get paid vacations and all that sweet shit. I've been looking up pictures of downtown Philly and he's been looking into apartment prices. I think he said he found one for like $700 a month, which we could easily both afford. I'm just so stoked and looking forward to be able to live with him and wake up next to him everyday...I can't wait.
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| WORLD SERIES CHAMPS 2008 FIGHTIN PHILS!!! |
[Thu 30 Oct / 7:46am] |
So the Phillies won the world series and Billy will be here Saturday [the parade is tomorrow]. I had Halloween off but am switching with Rommel so I can spend Saturday with Billy...He's staying til Friday and I couldn't be more excited. My stomach hurts right now. I stopped eating fast food and had a really bad hangover so didn't really eat...well, anything, for a few days and I feel a few pounds lighter. Not really the best way to go about it, but I guess whatever works and it's not like I was starving myself, I just couldn't eat cause everything I did consume came back up the way it went down...I have to make a PG rated version of my costume since I'll be at work, which is stupid and ruins the concept, but whatever. At least I get to spend a week with my baby :-) I'm so excited.
That's my Phillies jack-o-lantern I made. My brother and Baumann told me they think it looks like a penis, but whatever. It's the fucking symbol of the world champs so suck it. haha. It's like 7:50 in the morning and my brain isn't quite working up to par. I have to leave here in 30 minutes to catch the bus cause I have work 9-6 and we're getting 70 fucking boxes of shipment which am not really looking forward to doing, but shipment days always go by a little faster and then I only have 1 more day til my love gets here. I still gotta clean my shithole of a room too...
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| it ain't nothin but a g thang |
[Thu 23 Oct / 7:45am] |
Billy is coming to spend sunday-monday with me. I'm so excited.
Billy is coming up here as soon as the World Series is over and staying til November 7th.
hellfuckyes.
=]
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[Thu 9 Oct / 11:42am] |
it hurts more and more everytime he leaves.
next time, i'm gunna wanna go with him.
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| i love him |
[Mon 6 Oct / 11:36am] |
Billy again tomorrow
=] <333333
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| me me me. |
[Thu 2 Oct / 7:51am] |
Turn's out my boyfriend's parents are crazy and sent him back to Philly the day after he got back to Florida so he can try and catch a playoff game...and since PA is only a state away, he's coming here tomorrow to see me again! :-) Yay.
Oh, and the other day I found $400.
I win.
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| :-) |
[Fri 26 Sep / 10:35am] |
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I don't think that before this there has ever been a time where I was this happy for this many months in a row but I love it and it's honestly the best feeling ever. I'm such a better person than I was at the beginning of the year. I'm in love and I wouldn't change a thing.
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| btw, I know it's love because... |
[Wed 24 Sep / 11:28am] |
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he brought me to tears when he played "Patience" by Guns and Roses on guitar....I fucking hate Guns and Roses but at that moment, it was the most beautiful thing I have ever heard... I love him.
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| breathe out so I can breathe you in, hold you in. |
[Mon 22 Sep / 9:40am] |
The trip went exactly like I knew it would. We spent every moment of it together [besides when I was at work]. There was not a single thing that went wrong. Tuesday when he came, I met him in Penn Station and we went to Bri's and smoked and then went to Pinkberry with Bri, Mark, and LIttle Jess. Billy and I went to the Yankee Game at Yankee Stadium, and then we missed the train back to Long Island so we stayed at Bri's. The next day, we took an early train home and then I had to work from 1.30-10. We hung out when I got home, but I had work early the next day again [9-6]. After that shift, I didn't have work again til Saturday morning when he only had an hour left. We just hung out the whole time and really got to know each other even more. We spent as much time possible kissing because he's an amazing kisser and our lips just fit together. We smoked a lot and watched The Office and pretty much just spent all our time making the other laugh. It was amazing. He told me he wants to spend the rest of his life with me, and I'm looking forward to that more than anything. I've never been so in love. All my friends that met him loved him and my mom loves him and him and my brother even got along. I just wish he could've stayed for longer. Whenever I get home after work, I expect to open the door and have him on my bed, playing guitar. It's ok for now though, cause one day I'll come home to him forever. :-)
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| <3 |
[Fri 19 Sep / 9:34am] |
he's here btw
:-)
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| MY L<3VE |
[Tue 16 Sep / 9:26am] |
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IT'S FUCKING TODAY!!!
GUESS WHO'S HAVING THE BEST DAY/WEEK EVER?!
IT'S ME HOESSSSSSS.
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| I FEEL LIKE A KID ON CHRISTMAS EVE<3333 |
[Mon 15 Sep / 9:05am] |
I work 2-10 today and then I get to come home, put away my laundry, smoke a bowl or two, and drift off to sleep. When I wake up in the morning, I get to shower, get ready, and then take the train to Penn and I'll be with Billy!!!
I bought a half ounce of pot on Saturday night and I've smoked like none of it. And it only has to last me til Friday [when I get paid again]. God, I love my life sometimes.
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| Whatever you like.. |
[Wed 10 Sep / 7:40am] |
Yesterday was a really fucking good day. I had work at 2-6 but while I was getting ready, my phone rang and it was my love. He got a new phone so we can actually talk whenever we want, and not just when his phone decides to work. We talked for about an hour and then I went to work. Loss Prevention was there to interview everyone and make sure nothing bad is going on in our store. Rommel was joking around and saying John got fired cause he knows how much I've grown to hate him [everyone hates John] but as it turns out, John ended up REALLY getting fired...which is fucking amazing. So now I'm covering his shift today and opening the store. Working 9.30-6. Never opened before so hopefully I won't fuck anything up...It's pretty simple though, closing is a little more difficult but I almost have that down pat.
6 days til Billy is here with me. :-) He's taking the train from Philly to Penn Station and I'm going to meet him there so he doesn't get lost or anything because he has never been to New York before and I don't expect him to be able to navigate around Penn even though he claims he won't have a problem. I just want to make sure though and I want to spend as much time with him as possible so I'm going to meet him there.
kickass.
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| It's always sunny in philadelphia |
[Tue 9 Sep / 11:28am] |
Day man
Fighter of the Night man
Champion of the sun
You’re a master of karate and friendship…for everyone
Day man, day man
Uhh ahhahh
Fighter of the Night man
Uhh ahhahh
Champion of the sun
Uhh ahhahh
Master of karate and friendship…for everyone
Day man, day man
Uhh ahhahh
Fighter of the Night man
Champion of the sun
-7 days. <3
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| your dick got touched by your uncle. |
[Sat 6 Sep / 12:05am] |
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Counting this week and next, I'm working a total of 65 hours...but I usually get hours added on so it's a big possibility it will be more. I'm gunna have a huge check and Billy will be here so I'm stoked. I felt like shit from the time I woke up today up until now. I feel like my stomach hates me more and more everyday. Whatev. I bought 2 sweet shirts on clearance from Hot Topic for $8: Pantera and Kiss. [Pantera is for Billy since I stole the other one I gave him and now I'm attached to it.] 10days now since it's Saturday now...so fucking stoked. Can't get over it that he will be here with me so soon. I miss just being able to look into his eyes and chill with him and give him kisses whenever...I never want him to go back home =[
have to work with my shitty gay asst manager tomorrow. I fucking can't stand him anymore, he's such a fucking pain in the ass. oh well. inventory on sunday and if my boss doesn't come in, she said I AM IN CHARGE. haha. I hopefully won't burn anything down or fuck anything up if that ends up happening...so far, I'm doing good though so that's always a plus. I really enjoy my job still..that's never happened before. odd.
gunna go lay down cause i feel like my stomachs being turned inside out with barbwire.
PEACE
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| 5 minutes alone. |
[Thu 4 Sep / 10:07am] |
12 days til Billy comes here!!! He's arriving on the 16th, which means he will be here for our 4 month anniversary, he said he worked it out like that. He's staying for at least 5 days, up til a week. Of course I hope he can stay the whole week, but whatever I can get is amazing. I've been without him for so long, it's been so shitty, I'm not gunna want to let him go home ever. <3 I fucking love that man and now he will be here with me.
I started as supervisor on Monday and next Friday I'm opening the store...and I really am not sure what to do yet, but I have Monday-Thursday to train, so hopefully I'll learn everything.
I don't know, I really can't think of anything other than that in 12 days, Billy will be here with me.
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| woohoo |
[Wed 27 Aug / 6:28pm] |
I got promoted at my job to Sales Supervisor!!
..and they want to make me assistant manager by January...
which means I'm going to have to convince Billy to move here, or turn down the asst. manager position...
but I'd get mad dough and benefits...so we will see. Either way, Billy comes first<3
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| ramblings. |
[Sun 24 Aug / 8:49pm] |
I feel my lungs collapsing, it's so hard to breathe when you're not here
my thoughts don't make sense and i miss your wisdoms in my ear
the clouds come out, the moon begins to dim, even the damn stars dissapear
my world's only beautiful when you are here
no colours, no music, no love if you leave
i don't know why no one else can see
i guess i'm just the lucky one
who woulda thought it'd be me?
always was so scared, but my fears went away
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| <3 |
[Tue 19 Aug / 4:53pm] |
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I'll be outta this state by 2009. SHAZAM!
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| why I love The Office. |
[Sat 16 Aug / 7:02pm] |
[Michael Scott]:
Here's the sitch. Two weeks ago, I was in the worst relationship of my life. She treated me poorly, we didn't connect, I was miserable. Now, I am in the best relationship of my life, with the same woman. Love is a mystery.
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| :-) |
[Sat 2 Aug / 4:48pm] |
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Billy's parents are going to Philly in September and they agreed to drive him here :-) They must really like me, which is always a good thing. I'm so excited. My mom said she would even give us the house for a night. Idk how long he can stay yet, but I'm gunna offer to get him a ticket back so he can stay for longer. I'm so fucking stoked.
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[Tue 29 Jul / 12:01pm] |
HE'S OUT, HE'S OUT, HE'S OUT!!!
AND HE'S COMING UP HERE AS SOON AS HE GETS SOME MONEY!!!
I COULDN'T BE HAPPIER RIGHT NOW.
AND I'M ABOUT TO LEAVE ON MY MERRY WAY TO GO SEE THE FOO FIGHTERS!!!
MY LIFE IS ONCE AGAIN, AMAZING!!!
<3333
I LOVE BILLY EVANS.
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| I'm in love with how you feel. |
[Thu 24 Jul / 9:05pm] |
I talked to Billy again yesterday. It's bullshit cause it costs me fucking $25 just to talk to him for 5 fucking minutes. But it's worth it, so much. I won't be able to talk to him on the phone again til I get paid because I don't expect my mother to just lay out $25 whenever I want to talk to him, but I did get 2 letters so far and have sent him 3, and am working on a 4th, which I'll probably send Saturday morning.
retardo, but I get to see the Foo Fighters on Tuesday so that's always a fucking sweet deal.
i miss my baby though<3
at least I got to hear his voice =]
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| I don't see what anyone can see in anyone else.. |
[Mon 21 Jul / 7:46pm] |
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I JUST TALKED TO BILLY FOR THE FIRST TIME IN 29 FUCKING DAYS AND I COULDN'T BE HAPPIER. I FINALLY figured out how to set up a pre-paid account so I could accept his call. I started tearing up when I saw the number from the jail on the phone cause I knew I'd actually be able to hear his voice. I don't even know what to write because I started shaking when he called and haven't stopped since. He's calling me again tomorrow. He's only allowed to talk for 5 minutes at a time, but it's better than nothing. I fucking love my baby so much. He also said he's coming up here as SOON as he gets out!!! :-)
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[Fri 18 Jul / 9:21pm] |
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So we got chinese tonight and just after my mom got finished saying how everything will be ok in tiime for me and Billy, I opened my fortune cookie and this is what it read:
"Time flies. Suns rise and shadows fall. Let time go by. Love is forever over all."
I started crying cause I'm retarted, but it really just gave me hope. My mom transferred funds to her credit card so I will actually FINALLY be able to talk to Billy on the phone by Monday or Tuesday. It's about time, I've missed his voice so much. What I wouldn't give to hear it, if only for a moment.
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| it's no big surprise that i will wait for you. i will wait for no one but you. |
[Thu 17 Jul / 5:57pm] |
Still haven't been able to talk to Billy...my house and cell phone do not accept collect calls so I made this account on this website designed for people who can't accept collect calls from people in jail [convenient, huh?] but I have yet to figure out how it works. I did send him 2 letters though and I am awaiting one from him. Today is our 2 month and I can't even talk to him, which really REALLY blows. I just want to hear his voice, if only for a few minutes and then I could tell him that I love him and miss the hell outta him. He shouldn't be in there much longer anyway though, so it's okay.
Been hanging out with Nick, Jen, Evan, Fergo, and Katie a lot recently, which is always a good time. I've been just keeping myself occupied and trying to pass time. Spent today playing the Sims2 and cleaning...not sure why. I made a family with me and Billy in it cause I'm redic. I'm gunna have my mom teach me how to cook something tonight. I don't think I'm going to go out...and the Foo Fighters have a concert online sometime tonight, not to mention they are on rock honors for the Who tonight, doing a tribute for them. So I guess I can't have Billy today but I get some Foo...eh, it's not the same...
I miss my baby<3
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| she'll come back as fire to burn all the liars, leave a blanket of ash on the ground. |
[Thu 10 Jul / 1:49pm] |
35) What is one thing you question a lot?
life in general. my crazy backwards dreams i always have. why everyone i like is always so bad for me. boys. girls. why i should stay away from the tall boy. why won't certain people admit certain things. why you're soooo afraid of commitment. what ever happened to the disco? my future. why am i so lazy. why can't i just clean my fucking room for once and LEAVE it that way. why myspace is so addicting. how come I never get sick of watching the wall. why is dave grohl so fucking gorgeous and sexy and amazing at everything he does. my sexuality. will i ever find someone who treats me like gold? where is all the lsd. my past. will i ever drive? when will i ever see baumann again. oh and boys and girls. ohhhh. and why when i answered question 44, did that answer seem to make SO MUCH SENSE.
Alot has changed in the past 2 months. I figured out EVERYTHING that I crossed off, which is more than I thought I ever would. Billy helps my life make sense again and I like that. Going back to work not this Sunday, but the following one and saving everything I can and starting to make payments to my credit card bill. [haha, everytime I write "bill", I automatically write billy. every single time, no fail.] I either need to get a really good promotion or find a different job cause I need to save a few thousand for Florida. [At least I think that would be a good idea.] I think me and Billy are sticking to the original plan of me going there. I'm getting my permit soon! Woohoo, it's about time. Maybe I will actually be driving, legally, by my birthday. I'm not quite sure how long it takes to get any of this shit done.
Billy's mom called me the other day to let me know that he wanted her to call me and let me know he is sorry for the way things turned out and is sorry for ruining my trip and that he misses me and will call me as soon as he can. I missed her call and when I got my phone, I freaked out cause she called from his cell and I thought he was out, so I called back and his phone was off but I listened to the voicemail and that's when I found out. I am trying to get in touch with her but I don't have his house number or her cell so I'm trying to get it from Britt's mom. If I can't get it soon, I'm just gunna write to her and have her rely a message to him via his mother. I have a bunch of letters that I wrote to him but I don't want to send them to her cause I don't know if he can receive mail and I don't want her reading anything I wrote to him. Not that it's bad, but still, it's personal.
My mother made the mistake of buying the most delicious wine I've ever had. It tastes like Red Delicious Apples which are my favorite. She yells at me for like 5 minutes everytime I drink her wine and then she offers it to me and buys more anyway. I'll give her money for it tomorrow.
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| I had to be there.. |
[Tue 8 Jul / 2:58pm] |
and I won't give it up to you.
And I feel love, feel love. Love, love!
Jailhouse gets empty,
Rudy gets plenty,
The baton stick gets shorter,
Rudy gets taller.
Can't fight against the youth,
Cause we're strong.
Them are rude, rude people.
Can't fight against the youth,
Cause we're strong.
Them are rude, rude people.
Long. Baby. Then
Now when I was a youth in 1983
it was the best day of my life.
Had the '89 vision,
we didn't fuss and no fight,
when all the little daughters wanna be my wife
like a vision,
it was playin' on my guitar,
on my guitar,
I had to be there,
I had to be there,
I had to be there,
I had to be there
When the rhythm, playin,
I know that I'm gonna be there,
ya, oh Bud Gaugh will be singin' there,
and Eric Wilson will be bangin' out there, yea
oh, and we'll be all singin' with version,
with version,
reggae version,
version,
version,
version, oh
what has been told to the wise,
and uprooted, yea,
its gonna be revealed unto,
babes and sublime
rudy, rudy, rudy,
Can't fight against the youth,
right now,
Them are rude rude people.
Can't fight against the resistance,
oh right now,
Them are rude, rude people.
We gonna rule this planet,
among children.
We gonna rule this planet
Cuz, when that rhythm,
It was playin on my guitar,
on my guitar,
I had to be there,
I had to be there,
I had to be there,
I had to be there,
oh,
when I was a youth it was the best day,
it was the best day of my life.
Had the '89 vision,
we didn't fuss and no fight,
when all the little daughters wanna be my wife
when that rhythm,
It was playin on my guitar,
on my guitar,
I had to be there,
I had to be there,
I had to be there,
I had to be there,
I had to be there,
had to be there
Jailhouse gets empty,
Rudy gets plenty,
Baton stick gets shorter,
Rudy gets taller, taller.
Can't fight against the youth,
Cause we're strong.
Them are rude, rude people.
Can't fight against the youth.
-this song reminds me of my boyfriend. not because it's called 'jailhouse', although that part does as well, but because the first night we hung out, we went to the cocoa pier to see this local band called Vintage play. They did a kick ass cover of this song and Billy got so into it and it was the cutest thing I ever saw. I miss him so much... Keeping my fingers crossed though, cause he might be out August 5th!!! Going back to work the 20th of this month, just called today. I think I need to find a second job...getting my permit this week, my mom's gunna teach me how to drive. By the time I go back to Florida, I'll hopefully have my license, or at least a juniors so I can drive Billy around..hopefully just a full one though. I'll be driving his sexy mustang too. That's hot. but not as hot as him. anyway, going to go waste time and drink wine and hopefully see my kelseypie today cause I haven't since the day before I freaking left!
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if everything could ever feel this real forever,
if anything could ever be this good again.
the only thing i'll ever ask of you
you've got to promise not to stop when I say when,
she sang.
